Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Mommybrain Diet: Crust and Table Scraps

I survive on crust and table scraps.  And ice cream. 

Cat's out of the bag.  My stay slim secret is "Just eat crust!". 

On any given day, half of what I eat is crust.  Pizza crust, sandwich crust, toast crust, even Pop Tart Crust.

Since when did crust become an acceptable meal?

And when I don't eat crust, I eat table scraps. 

Ah, those magical mornings when I clean up breakfast and I find leftover Eggo's on a munchkin's plate.  And if those leftover bites are still remotely warm?  And with syrup?  Pinch me I must be dreaming.  Add fruit and it's a five star meal.

I've worked at improving my Mommybrain Diet.  I truly have.

I go in spurts.  For months I will stock my house with healthy cereals, fruits, vegetables and all natural yogurts.  I enjoy these foods, but I just constantly forget they are in the fridge.

I buy healthy foods and let them rot in the fridge while I eat Pop Tart Crust.

I need to stop here and state how much I LOVE Pop Tart Crust.  I love finding these little piles on my kitchen table.
Back in the days of my youth, I would just eat a Pop Tart.  Now I serve Pop Tarts and pace around the kitchen until the pile of crust is left for the taking.

Eating a Pop Tart would be too easy.  Heavens forbid I eat a Pop Tart.

As I've grown into an adult (am I an adult yet?) I have acquired some real baggage when it comes to food.

Every morning I make my daughter a Fluffernutter for her school lunch.  Because she is under the age of fifteen, she doesn't eat crust.  I actually find myself making the sandwich with extra fluff and peanut butter on the edges.  Just because I know I will cut them off and eat them.  For breakfast.

I have such strange habits.   

As Hubby says so eloquently, I'm totally whacked in the skull.

This year I look forward to shedding some of my food baggage. I look forward to a full Eggo, just how I like it.  Or maybe my own Fluffernutter.

Just writing that feels wrong.

I declare 2011 "Toss the Table Scraps Every Few Days and Eat a Real Meal" year.

Notice I said "every few days".  I wouldn't want to send my body shock.  Baby steps.  Always baby steps.

Mommyhood Footnote:  Pizza Crust is exempt.  I will never allow Pizza Crust to go uneaten.  Pizza crust in the garbage is a serious offense in my house that is punishable by Mommyhood Law. 

6 comments:

  1. Oh, hello? Did you just post about me and my life? I think you just did. This post is SO FUNNY. I can relate 110%. That's scary, isn't it? Now, off to eat some crusts... x

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  2. Our Little One (almost 20 months) is too fast for me to get to the Poptart crusts - they're her favorite after-snack snack! Poptarts are a weekend treat and I swear she knows what day of the week it is! She wiggles out of her chair and waits patiently (she would pace if she could) until her brothers are done and then, watch out!

    My Mommy issue is that I never eat the "best" anything - it's always the cookie that didn't quite get cut out right or the cupcake with the icing on too light (or, preferably, too heavy). Why can't I just eat the pretty stuff?!?!

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  3. So funny!!!! I love pizza crust too....my kids don't eat it, but I never let it go in the trash!!!!!

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  4. Oh my! Crust is my favorite also! I'm a big bread lover so crust never goes in the garbage!

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  5. Table scrap eating moms unite! I probably have 5 extra pounds of left over scrap weight alone. Left you a blog award on my blog today. Check it out if you get a chance!

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  6. Oh big sister, I am so grateful to have always had you around to remove the temptation to eat pizza crust =)

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